19centconstable: (My punk is totally steamed.)
[See this icon? This icon is George exactly. Sat at his table. Head in his hand. Not looking terribly amused.]

Well. If I ever wear a dress again, it will be quite too soon.

[If you are keeping track, that's twice in one month now.]
19centconstable: (A bit snug across the bosoms.)
[There's a gangly teenage girl in a shabby dress, with a particularly twee bonnet pulled low over her face. Her face is rather too goofy to be pretty, so it's not any great loss. She clears her throat, then nervously squeaks:]

I'd like very much to speak with someone from the vessel known as 'The Slayer', if I may?
19centconstable: (Lady Detectives.)
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[There's a woman in George's room. She's stocky, and her dark hair is gathered in a bun at the nape of her neck. From the front it looks short and boyish, and her face looks freshly scrubbed. She's dressed in a white high-necked Victorian blouse, a tie, a navy blue jacket, and a floor length navy blue walking skirt. And she's George, of course. Short for Georgina, although she's most comfortable being addressed as Miss Crabtree.

Some of you may be wondering why Miss Crabtree isn't suffering any of the wardrobe malfunctions that seem to be going around. Some of you clearly aren't aware just how seriously Mr. Crabtree takes undercover work. Now you know.]

Here is what I have gathered thus far: several people appear to be missing clothing, and I've spoken to one who seems to be missing memories. Is anyone aware of anything else having gone missing? And if so, a detailed description would be most helpful.

[Please, don't everyone rush to describe your penises.]

Furthermore: after Captain von Uberwald mistakenly called me a constable, I looked in my own wardrobe and found it nearly all replaced by a constable's uniform. Could it be that, somehow, saying things during this flood makes them become reality?

[George presses her lips together tightly.]

I don't know that I ought to say anything else lest...well, you know!
19centconstable: (By the power of Grayskull!)
[George sounds suitably distraught by the few transmission trickling back to the Barge.]

What on Earth is going on out there? Everyone is making very little sense, and there was a very disturbing broadcast made. There have been very few check-ins as well. How many went to port? Has something happened to them?

Detective Hoffman, please check in!

I'm beginning to fear the worst.
19centconstable: (Who rigs every Oscar night?)
[George is in his room, but out of his uniform. There's a very small pin in the lapel of his grey suit. It probably looks like the outline of a star, or a diamond. It isn't either.]

I thought I might ask, since we've gained so many new faces, if anyone else on board has ever rolled their trouser leg?

[And apparently that confusing query is not all George has for you this evening.]

Also, I do keep thinking about those ninjas we had. It's a shame they were so, well, unfriendly, and that they had to be disappeared so suddenly. We might have learned so much from them, and their ways.

[George gazes dreamily off, perhaps imagining a world where people and ninjas live together in pajamas and harmony.]

On the other hand, I suppose it is for the best that they didn't stick around. There were simply far too many of them. Our hallways would have been crowded with them. They might have taken to busking.
19centconstable: (Oh pretty ladies.)
[George looks much less youthfully enthusiastic than usual. And sad. Try as he might, he can't quite help but look sad.]

I'm sorry to have to be the bearer of this, but I'm afraid Miss Jane Brunswick has elected to return home. If anyone was wondering.
19centconstable: (Hookers c/o the Prince of England.)
[George's accent wafts over the network all by itself, which is fairly unusual.]

Er. Did everyone happen to awaken in...unusual circumstances, then?

["Unusual circumstances" is Victorian for "somebody else's bed & trousers".]
19centconstable: (Love is a battlefield.)
[George appears in uniform for this important announcement, his helmet tucked under one arm. It's srs time.]

I...

This isn't the sort of thing I would normally say, as I don't believe it's anybody's business, but I don't suppose it has escaped anyone's attention that Detective Hoffman has been struggling for some time with The Drink. He's making strides to overcome this, and I truly believe that he will, but not without difficulty. That is why I do turn to those of you who count him as a friend, and ask that you show him support in any way that you might during this time. And also that no one give him alcohol. I would like to say I don't believe he would ask for it, but it is an addiction that can test even the strongest of men. And thank you, in advance.

[He seems relieved to have gotten that out of the way. He brightens before adding:]

A bit related-ly: I wonder if anyone might be interested in playing a sort of game? A...well, it's what's called a "Murder Game".
19centconstable: (Queen Victoria in a bank vault.)
[George is eating an orange. And so can you!

He's also thirty-one again. Yes, George is thirty-one. I know.]

I don't think anyone was poorly done by that, were they? It is a bit strange to recall that I couldn't have even pictured myself as a police officer at that age, as now I can't picture myself as being anything else. Besides a detective, obviously. And a writer.

[George chews thoughtfully.]

Although...I don't believe any of the lads back home always yearned to join the constabulary. Not at our station, anyway. I am pleased it's something modern children seem to dream of.

...I also think you all might appreciate indoor plumbing just a bit more than you do. It really is fantastic.
19centconstable: ([Kid!] You aren't my hat's real father.)
[Someone is holding the communicator carelessly in one hand, as though they don't know it's on. The floor passes by slowly under the camera's lens. Whoever they are, they're walking hesitantly toward something. Bathroom tile appears, and then: the base of the toilet.]

Sweet wounded Jesus. I've died and gone to heaven.

[It's a boy speaking; his voice soft and high, his accent somewhere between Irish, British, and Pirate.

In other words: George Crabtree.]
19centconstable: (Cereal sounds gross in theory.)
[George looks very sorry to have to admit this, but:]

I thought that was a rather lovely trip, but I still don't understand what Kwanzaa is.
19centconstable: (George: looking at boobs.)
[Now back to your regularly scheduled George. Who is looking slightly wary.]

Did I happen to fall prey to one of those comas? Only I can't quite remember anything about the last several days. Also, it appears as though someone has been sitting in my chair.

[Item one: chair. It doesn't look particularly sat in.]

And I also have reason to believe that someone has been sleeping in my bed!

[Item two: bed. It has been carefully made.]

I don't keep any porridge in my room, unfortunately, so I'm afraid I haven't gotten any solid proof, but I have got my suspicions...
19centconstable: (The ? of whether or not we are amused...)
[Queen Victoria sits primly in George's room.

No, she doesn't look amused.

But wait: how does Queen Victoria know how to operate a video communicator?

...

Bitch, please.]

And what is the purpose of our being here today?
19centconstable: (It's always time for Mustache Time.)
[George is wearing one of his fake mustaches and having a tea. There's a smattering of fairies fairy-ing around on the table in front of him: eating the biscuits, the sugar, also having tea... There are also several flying through the air around him. Some of these fairies are wearing George's other fake mustaches, despite the fact that the mustaches are in some cases larger than they are, and they resemble nothing so much as flying mustaches. The flying mustaches in particular don't seem very steady, but all of the fairies seem a little tipsy.]

I just don't see what all the complaining is about: we've been having a lovely time.

[George takes another sip of his "tea".]
19centconstable: (Ow my DNA.)
[George may be dead, but his accent lives on.]

...What is a C-47?
19centconstable: (A HORSE THAT COULD RUN BACKWARDS!!1!)
Detective Hoffman: I'm going to be your warden!

[George sounds quite pleased.]

...

I'm going to wait to read your file until after I've eaten, if that's alright.

Er. Did anyone else happen to speak to someone who knew me over the weekend? I spoke to a very nice dog...
19centconstable: (19th century needs more twitter)
[George is dressed casually for George. No uniform, and no jacket. His shirt-sleeves are rolled up, and his hair is untidy. He has Howie's motorcycle, and several books about motorcycles out on the floor around him, where he is sitting.]

Is it just me, or has everyone been a bit quiet today? Is there something going on that I'm unaware of?

I suspect it must be something very good, as I would have heard of something awful, where as I certainly can't blame people for being distracted away from their devices, if, say, the Admiral has given everyone a puppy.

[George looks pleased. And then very thoughtful.]

...

But then of course, I would wonder: where is my puppy?
19centconstable: (I detect wine.)
[It's an extreme close up of a Victorian constable! George has accidentally turned the camera on himself while picking up his communicator in an attempt to figure out what the strange device is. He looks a little older; a little stockier, because no one escapes the ravages of aging, and 1898 has been kind of a stressful year, what with all of the meth, and Draculas, and outwitting the American government. All of the brass on his uniform is also particularly shiny, and he's wearing a pair of white dress gloves and an expression of general confusion.

And then you can see it slowly dawn on him. And then there's a dizzying shot of the floor flying past as George hurries to make sure that...

Yes. The toilette remains.]

Oh my goodness I'm back.

[There's the sound of someone flopping back onto a bed, and a close up of a quilt. The quilt has the spotlight for a good few minutes, until George remembers the communicator is still running. Normal view!]

Could anybody tell me when it is here?
19centconstable: (What the hellevator?)
[George sounds pained. Very, very pained.]

I've tried the door to the CES from this side. I'm afraid it's not gone well.
19centconstable: (I detect wine.)
[George is sitting at the table in his room. His helmet is in front of him, and he's scrubbing furiously at the badge mounted on it with a toothbrush. He pauses and peers at the badge through a magnifying glass.]

Oh, for the love of...

[Back to scrubbing. There are still small traces of tarnish. George eventually puts the toothbrush down with a frustrated sigh, and tells the viewers at home:]

I suppose I ought to be thankful at least that it hasn't grown a tree.

[Oh, did you think this was an accidental post? No, George's communicator has yet to act up, he was just distracted by the creeping rust.]

I had just wanted to say that the other day I happened to notice a suspicious damp bit on the floor of the fifth level common room, by the shark's tank, and I thought someone ought to check into that.

[Just in case, as George suspects, the shark has started piddling on the floor to get attention. Or, more realistically, the decay has made its way down to level five and has started eroding the tank. And nobody likes a loose shark. Particularly the shark, because they can't breathe air very well.]

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Constable George Crabtree

March 2021

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