19centconstable | Case #1: Video

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Case #1: Video

[The video screen is navy blue and slightly blurry. From off-screen a man speaks. He has an accent which, if you are familiar with such things, is easily identifiable as being from Newfoundland. If you are not so in the know, you may think it is Irish. Or British. Or fake. He declares:]

I...believe this device and I have reached an understanding...

[The expanse of navy moves back. You have been looking at a close up of the man's policeman uniform. Now it is visible from neck to about mid-thigh in all its old-fashioned, high-collared, many buttoned glory. Because while the device and George may have come to an understanding, George does not understand how to frame a shot.]

Well. I-...oh.

[As a sort of after thought, he reaches up out of frame. When his hands appear again they are holding his navy blue custodian helmet, which has a silver colored maple leaf on the front. He rests the helmet against his hip.]

I'm Constable George Crabtree, Toronto Constabulary, station #4, and I'm very pleased to be here and meet all of you. ...Although I suppose I haven't done that yet. But I'm sure I'll be pleased when I do!

I've seen an airship before, but I've never been on one...that I can remember. But it's really an experience; much smoother than being on a boat. I don't get seasick myself, but I have an aunt who can't stomach travel like that in the slightest. Just.

[Vomit-y hand motion.]

All over.

Anyway. I'm very impressed by this whole business! This "thingy" here.

[He shakes the communicator.]

But! Especially-

[And then everything is a blur as George, communicator in hand, is moving through his room. When he stops, you are greeted with a lovely shot of: a toilet. The sort with a wall mounted tank and pull chain. Then George turns the camera back on himself, and manages to actually aim it at his excitedly grinning face. He hooks a thumb in the toilet's direction.]

Now that's fantastic! Did everybody get one?

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{He laughs with a little shake of his head.} The men are not so much removed, but on the point of the difference of ladies from me you will receive no argument. Nothing more shall be said on the matter, for to speak ill of a royal lady, even in slight, would be to impugn the most noted lady herself.

Ah! That does remind me. I am informed that...some years from now, only perhaps some matter of decades, there is yet another queen upon the English throne. Spectacular a notion, really, with the prolific issue the dear lady provided.

{This is, of course, the extent of Holmes' feminism. Ruling queens are splendiferous, but all other women who want to be in charge can stow it.}

Certainly, sir. I try not to speak ill of any ladies whatsoever. I like to think my aunts raised me better than that.

[George is fairly feminist in that he believes women could do most jobs just as well as a man could. He's sort of generally optimistic about the abilities of everybody, regardless of gender or race. This is something of a projection on his part, as, like many members of the working class, a part of him desperately yearns to be upper class, and clings to the hope that he might some day manage it. It's less an ambition; more of a daydream.]

Here's to hoping she does just as fine a job.

{Holmes rolls his eyes just a little bit. He has this picture of little Constable George being coddled by over-affectionate aunts, softened by all this female presence, which is most hypocritical as he was raised by a nanny and his grandmother.} An interesting upbringing, I would posit, one I might not even imagination, as I myself haven't an aunt. And I have no doubt that she will be any less a queen than the formidable lady herself.

[Some of them did, certainly, but I get the distinct impression others smoked cigars and taught him how to punch a man.]

I don't know. I don't think it was all that out of the ordinary.

[It was, of course. Not his aunt's parenting techniques, exactly, those were fairly ordinary. But most people weren't found on church doorsteps.]

{Holmes' grandmother likely did the same. But she was, of course, a lady.}

It is hard to determine such a thing, for how can one know an upbringing besides their own?

[George considers this carefully.]

I did have friends my age, and cousins, and we all seemed to get the same sort of discipline and education. We went on the same sort of outings, and I was given presents at the appropriate times. I definitely feel that I was cared for. All in all, I think it was a much more average childhood than I could have had with mother. Not that she isn't a fine woman, she just couldn't have afforded it.

{Holmes nods, one thing he can respect is a mother who knows what is best for her child, and as such there is no tone of judgement in his words.} To find herself in a situation with child and without husband—I assume from your words your father was not present—is a precarious situation indeed.

Yes, it would have been.

[George has never asked who his father might be. There isn't any point. If mother had any idea, she would have said. Her lack of commentary on the subject speaks volumes. Clearly, George is not the result of anything respectable like a young woman left in dire straights after the sudden, untimely death of her husband. Or even of anything as respectable as a young woman whose innocence was taken advantage of. If that were the case, she would have said, and George would have understood. It's most likely George is the result of actions which, as an officer of the law, it is best he remain ignorant of.]

I...only met her this past year, but I truly believe mother has a good heart.

{These things are always best spoken around, rather than directly.}

It is fortunate to have had so many aunts to fulfil the obligation that she could not. I cannot imagine that leaving you was an easy decision for her, which is very suggestive about her heart.

Fortunate: exactly.

[Especially since she had no idea who might take him in. Or if anyone would.]

I like to think I must have been a charming baby, as I'm sure everyone does. I certainly never heard anything to the contrary.

Do you and your wife have children?

Edited 2011-04-13 06:55 (UTC)

{He has a confused expression for a fleeting moment.} I am not married, nor do I have children. I am also certain that I was even less charming as a child than I am as an adult, wonders never cease.

{He is starting to wonder as to what books you've heard of, George.}

I thought you said you were married to a doctor?

[You did say you cohabitated with one. Now the charming Mrs. Watson is a lie???]

Terribly sorry, sir. My mistake.

[Sometimes...sometimes George gets confused. This is, after all, the man who thinks a platitude is a type of sea creature.]

I...share rooms with one, but we are not married. {To assume a doctor is female when one hears of him? What do they teach you in the colonies?}

I...that is, it... {He would normally not be at a loss for words even in the face of a communications failure, however so many here...assume things about he and Watson that he is beginning to have trouble discerning just who is accusing him of what.} I have never married, and will never do so.

[It was more the sharing rooms bit that made George assume the good doctor was a Mrs., but...]

Right. Entirely my mistake, then. I'm no more married to my landlady, of course.

I can't say I'm in any great hurry to leave the life of a bachelor behind either. It drives my aunts, let me tell you.

{Holmes still blames it on having grown up outside of England proper. Ah, well, some lack of civilization is to be expected, one supposes.}

It is no matter. I cannot recommend marrying one's landlady, I daresay it would do nothing to improve her service. Though were my mother yet still alive I am quite sure she would have pressured me to it.

I have a feeling mine might continue to charge me for my room. She's much too old for me anyway.

I did go calling on a young lady once, but then I had to arrest her on suspicion of murder, so I can't say things worked out. It is how I got my dog, though.

I can imagine that would put an end to most blossoming romances. You may be better off with the dog.

Violet is excellent company. She keeps my feet warm at night, and she assisted me in solving a kidnapping case.

[And George will never have to worry that her family will think he isn't good enough for her.]

Indeed? A most remarkable canine, indeed I have employed the services of a dog while on a case. There are many ways one might employ a tracking hound, after all.

She's not a tracking dog, actually: she's a Golden Retriever, and she acted very bravely as a bait for the kidnappers, who were kidnapping dogs. And then doing nasty experiments on them.

But did you know: ferrets can track as well as a dog? They just don't do anything you say.

Ah, she helped out many of her fellow dogs, it would sound. I do hope you gave her an extra scrap of pork for her trouble. The matter with ferrets is not to train them but to use their natural instincts to employ them in useful capacities. One might sooner train a cat.

I did. She's very good about not making a nuisance of herself when there's food about, but she does have a taste for ladies' shoes.

The matter with ferrets is also that they bite, and will go straight for a man's sensitive bits. I've seen it happen.

{Forgive Holmes his modesty, but the mention of sensitive bits gives him a scoffing expression, with pursed lips. Don't worry, it's not you, he gets like that when Watson tells him details he asked for.}

That is entirely indecorous of a ferret.

I thought so too.

[George looks pained as well. Sensitive bits are serious business.]

I should hope after such an ordeal with the Mustela putorius one was able to achieve their end.

Case #1: Video

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