19centconstable | Case #1: Video

[The video screen is navy blue and slightly blurry. From off-screen a man speaks. He has an accent which, if you are familiar with such things, is easily identifiable as being from Newfoundland. If you are not so in the know, you may think it is Irish. Or British. Or fake. He declares:]

I...believe this device and I have reached an understanding...

[The expanse of navy moves back. You have been looking at a close up of the man's policeman uniform. Now it is visible from neck to about mid-thigh in all its old-fashioned, high-collared, many buttoned glory. Because while the device and George may have come to an understanding, George does not understand how to frame a shot.]

Well. I-...oh.

[As a sort of after thought, he reaches up out of frame. When his hands appear again they are holding his navy blue custodian helmet, which has a silver colored maple leaf on the front. He rests the helmet against his hip.]

I'm Constable George Crabtree, Toronto Constabulary, station #4, and I'm very pleased to be here and meet all of you. ...Although I suppose I haven't done that yet. But I'm sure I'll be pleased when I do!

I've seen an airship before, but I've never been on one...that I can remember. But it's really an experience; much smoother than being on a boat. I don't get seasick myself, but I have an aunt who can't stomach travel like that in the slightest. Just.

[Vomit-y hand motion.]

All over.

Anyway. I'm very impressed by this whole business! This "thingy" here.

[He shakes the communicator.]

But! Especially-

[And then everything is a blur as George, communicator in hand, is moving through his room. When he stops, you are greeted with a lovely shot of: a toilet. The sort with a wall mounted tank and pull chain. Then George turns the camera back on himself, and manages to actually aim it at his excitedly grinning face. He hooks a thumb in the toilet's direction.]

Now that's fantastic! Did everybody get one?

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{He has a confused expression for a fleeting moment.} I am not married, nor do I have children. I am also certain that I was even less charming as a child than I am as an adult, wonders never cease.

{He is starting to wonder as to what books you've heard of, George.}

I thought you said you were married to a doctor?

[You did say you cohabitated with one. Now the charming Mrs. Watson is a lie???]

Terribly sorry, sir. My mistake.

[Sometimes...sometimes George gets confused. This is, after all, the man who thinks a platitude is a type of sea creature.]

I...share rooms with one, but we are not married. {To assume a doctor is female when one hears of him? What do they teach you in the colonies?}

I...that is, it... {He would normally not be at a loss for words even in the face of a communications failure, however so many here...assume things about he and Watson that he is beginning to have trouble discerning just who is accusing him of what.} I have never married, and will never do so.

[It was more the sharing rooms bit that made George assume the good doctor was a Mrs., but...]

Right. Entirely my mistake, then. I'm no more married to my landlady, of course.

I can't say I'm in any great hurry to leave the life of a bachelor behind either. It drives my aunts, let me tell you.

{Holmes still blames it on having grown up outside of England proper. Ah, well, some lack of civilization is to be expected, one supposes.}

It is no matter. I cannot recommend marrying one's landlady, I daresay it would do nothing to improve her service. Though were my mother yet still alive I am quite sure she would have pressured me to it.

I have a feeling mine might continue to charge me for my room. She's much too old for me anyway.

I did go calling on a young lady once, but then I had to arrest her on suspicion of murder, so I can't say things worked out. It is how I got my dog, though.

I can imagine that would put an end to most blossoming romances. You may be better off with the dog.

Violet is excellent company. She keeps my feet warm at night, and she assisted me in solving a kidnapping case.

[And George will never have to worry that her family will think he isn't good enough for her.]

Indeed? A most remarkable canine, indeed I have employed the services of a dog while on a case. There are many ways one might employ a tracking hound, after all.

She's not a tracking dog, actually: she's a Golden Retriever, and she acted very bravely as a bait for the kidnappers, who were kidnapping dogs. And then doing nasty experiments on them.

But did you know: ferrets can track as well as a dog? They just don't do anything you say.

Ah, she helped out many of her fellow dogs, it would sound. I do hope you gave her an extra scrap of pork for her trouble. The matter with ferrets is not to train them but to use their natural instincts to employ them in useful capacities. One might sooner train a cat.

I did. She's very good about not making a nuisance of herself when there's food about, but she does have a taste for ladies' shoes.

The matter with ferrets is also that they bite, and will go straight for a man's sensitive bits. I've seen it happen.

{Forgive Holmes his modesty, but the mention of sensitive bits gives him a scoffing expression, with pursed lips. Don't worry, it's not you, he gets like that when Watson tells him details he asked for.}

That is entirely indecorous of a ferret.

I thought so too.

[George looks pained as well. Sensitive bits are serious business.]

I should hope after such an ordeal with the Mustela putorius one was able to achieve their end.

[Most uncomfortable face.]

I...suspect Detective Murdoch remained...capable after the incident, but we don't really discuss that sort of thing with one another.

No, one doesn't. I was referring to whatever task for which you employed the mustelid.

Oh. Right. Yes.

Well, actually: I identified the blood trail, so I suppose I was the...must...lady...

You appear slightly larger than a ferret and its brethren, I confess. But one needn't subject themselves to the mercy of such a creature if you are just as able to follow the trail.

I didn't know I would be able to. I do have an excellent sense of smell, though.

A very useful skill for a detective, or indeed, a detective's constable.

Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Case #1: Video

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