19centconstable: ([Kid!] You aren't my hat's real father.)
Constable George Crabtree ([personal profile] 19centconstable) wrote2011-12-26 08:27 pm

Case # 37: Video

[Someone is holding the communicator carelessly in one hand, as though they don't know it's on. The floor passes by slowly under the camera's lens. Whoever they are, they're walking hesitantly toward something. Bathroom tile appears, and then: the base of the toilet.]

Sweet wounded Jesus. I've died and gone to heaven.

[It's a boy speaking; his voice soft and high, his accent somewhere between Irish, British, and Pirate.

In other words: George Crabtree.]

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 03:24 am (UTC)(link)
That's a potty silly! A toilet. You go poop in there.

[This is...the greatest most hilarious thing ever so he'll just be over here laughing hysterically]

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
A potty...silly...

[You Americans have no idea how to speak propperly.]

Oi, what's so funny?

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
[That sobers young Hoffman up] Don't wanna say.

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
How old are you? Where's your mother and father?

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
[That makes Hoffman's eyes go wide] ...I dunno.

[shuffle foot. shuffle shuffle. He twists a little bit to the side and rubs his runny nose]

....I dunno they're gone and I hads a lady and then she went away and I went away so I'm walking around..

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 08:17 am (UTC)(link)
Oh.

[George takes this to mean that they have died, and seems properly ashamed for having brought them up.]

Well, you'll get on alright, I'm sure. You seem like a...sturdy lad.

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oh to be five again. Hoffman's mouth twists] Huh?

...I got candy! You want some candy?

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 07:18 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oh you hopeless posh, poncy baby: you have no street smarts, telling everybody about your treasures. this world will eat you alive, George thinks.]

Yeah, okay. Where did you get candy floss? Is there a fair?

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 07:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Santa brought it! [frown] he brought a bunch of stupid girl dolls too but the candy's the good stuff.

[He'll be over here stuffing his face]

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Another American boy got dollies as well. He seemed rather pleased by them.

[George does not sound as though he'd seem pleased.]

Where are you?

Spam?

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Dollies are for girls. [pssshhh.]

'm [gives a common room location.]

Yes spam.

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Right. I'll locate you.

[Spam.]

[It takes a bit longer than it usually would for George to show up. He's shorter and quite skinny, and looks generally bewildered and slightly dirty.]

Re: Yes spam.

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[Mark Hoffman is allowed sweets and treats pretty often, but this time there's no one to take it away and tell him to save some for tomorrow. So he's sucking on a candy cane with a blissful contented look on his face.]

[Then.]

...Hi. [slurp.]

Re: Yes spam.

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 10:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[If you think George is that responsible at twelve...sorry, he's not even that responsible at thirty-one. Because sweets are delicious.]

Hello. I'm George.

[And he's eying your sweets longingly.]

Re: Yes spam.

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[Santa knows his audience. Hoffman's got quite a bit of candy in his pudgy hands. He pulls the candy cane out of his mouth and stares.]

...'m Mark.

[There's some sweet floss right at the front there. Hoffman is oblivious. He has four candycanes on his lap. FOUR. Finishing off his current one quickly, he reaches for chocolate before ?looking...chagrined. Or as Chagrined as a boy can manage. Tracy Hoffman did spoil her son-but she also taught him manners.]

...oo ant me andy?

[It could be "you want some candy maybe" ]

Re: Yes spam.

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-28 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
[George nods eagerly, and squats down beside him.]

So you're from here?

[Spam]

[identity profile] expectremorse.livejournal.com 2011-12-28 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't seem to notice the older kid for a moment, fixating on the candy. It's shaped like a frog. And it's delicious and...]

[he shakes his head] ...New York.
[beat] 1722 Thebes Way Queens New York City 9- [and so on and so forth]

Don't eat the KitKats. [frown] they're mine.

Re: [Spam]

[identity profile] 19centconstable.livejournal.com 2011-12-28 02:26 am (UTC)(link)
What's a KitKats?

And good, because this place is awfully queer. I woke up in some policeman's room.