19centconstable | Case #29: Video

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Case #29: Video

[It's an extreme close up of a Victorian constable! George has accidentally turned the camera on himself while picking up his communicator in an attempt to figure out what the strange device is. He looks a little older; a little stockier, because no one escapes the ravages of aging, and 1898 has been kind of a stressful year, what with all of the meth, and Draculas, and outwitting the American government. All of the brass on his uniform is also particularly shiny, and he's wearing a pair of white dress gloves and an expression of general confusion.

And then you can see it slowly dawn on him. And then there's a dizzying shot of the floor flying past as George hurries to make sure that...

Yes. The toilette remains.]

Oh my goodness I'm back.

[There's the sound of someone flopping back onto a bed, and a close up of a quilt. The quilt has the spotlight for a good few minutes, until George remembers the communicator is still running. Normal view!]

Could anybody tell me when it is here?

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[Deep breath.]

Dr. Ogden became engaged to another doctor while she was in Buffalo. But we...Miss Ogden and I...later found...by accident...that the Detective had planned to propose to Dr. Ogden. He had a ring, and a very emotional letter. But then someone framed the Detective for murder, and we all expected him to attend and object to the union, but he didn't. And Miss Ogden asked if I had intended to bring someone to Dr. Ogden's wedding, and indeed I had been considering asking Miss Moffatt, but then it seemed as though Miss Ogden might ask me to escort her, and so I told her that I had no such intentions, and she didn't ask me. And I ended up going with Higgins.

[That came straight from some kind of soap. Like days of our lives or one of those shows that old women and guys on break watched. It was bothering the guy however.

Hoffman's brow creased.]

You're a stand up guy George Crabtree.

I do try.

But I just don't know how things can go on.

...With this Doctor Ogden or with your own situation?

[Hoffman licks his lips] I wish I could offer something more then, Go find the guy and get him to talk to her.

With Dr. Ogden and Detective Murdoch.

I'm quite certain that Ruby tried, and if she was unable to persuade him...

[Hoffman nods] Ask-

well no, don't ask the admiral.

I had thought of that, actually.

Perhaps it's time I got a deal.

[Hoffman laughs] I thought you guys all came aboard with one.

I couldn't think of anything I wanted that I wouldn't feel badly for having handed to me.

[Hoffman studies his hands]

You're a rare fucking bird George Crabtree.

Er. Am I? But I turned into a pig that time...

Oh, I wish I had continued not remembering that.

[Hoffman laughs. He continues to laugh for a good solid minute before holding up a hand and wiping a tear from his eye. He has a genuine smile on his face, a very real happy expression.]

You turned into a pig?

...I'm glad one of us did.

Yes, I've been told it's some sort of policeman joke, but I still don't understand it. I just found it terribly embarrassing.

[Hoffman frowns] It's not a fucking flattering one. Made by ignorant jackasses who want to hurt hard-working cops feelings. Most cops were..

[He stares down at his now flat stomach. Somewhat flat at least] Fat. And people would bribe them with apples and donuts.

Well donuts are delicious.

But accepting bribes is awful.

Yeah see but some guys don't know when to stop. Like me for instance. There's nothing wrong with it mind you but uh..

[He scratches his head] I agree with you about the bribes though. No matter what people might think of me on this damn boat I never took a goddamn bribe.

You know, I had actually begun to worry about my waist-line here because the food is so rich and plentiful and I don't get as much regular exercise. I was going to ask Mr. Spinola what one does in a gymnasium. Specifically, I mean. I know generally how one works.

[Hoffman looks amused] They don't have gyms in the Victorian times?

I'll show you. I go pretty regularly. I used to be pretty damn fit too. Lupin ah..

[Frown] Lupin insisted I go. Anger problems.

No, we do, I've just never felt the need to join one. Because I run and lift things quite a lot on the job, you see.

I can see how that would be helpful.

...Well so did I but you know.

...You ever had to go hand-to-hand with a guy?

Yes, of course.

So you go to the gym for that. Get stronger and practice fighting but mostly get stronger. Best cops go to seed even after awhile.

Boxing, you mean? I just don't feel comfortable hitting someone for no good reason. They'd have to commit a crime, or be a cad.

...Cad?

..what's a Cad.

A heartless womanizer.

Case #29: Video

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Re: [Private] [Video] George has all the girlfriends

[Private] [Video] Teach Hoffman your mojo dude.

[Private] [Video] First: be really awkward...

[Private] [Video] ...No grabbing boobs? D:

[Private] [Video] You can accidentally say the word "abreast".

[Private] [Video] And here Hoffman thought he didn't talk dirty.

[Private] [Video] Sometimes he says bollocks too.

[Private] [Video] you cheeky bastard Crabtree.

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