Case #9: Video

[19centconstable]

[George is holding his communicator in one hand and filming himself as he waves cheerfully. He turns the camera briefly to show a group of aliens sat at a small table amidst what looks like a futuristic street fair who are waving cheerfully back. They are about nine feet tall, and hairy, with sharp talons on their fingers. They are wearing breathing-masks. They are also wearing slacks and crisply pressed button-down shirts. The camera turns back on George, as he continues to stride through the bazaar.]

I've just been speaking to some terribly nice Martians about Martian Jesus! I'm afraid a good deal of it all went straight over my head, but they did give me book which...

[George glances down at, presumably, the book in his hand.]

...appears to be about the Greek God Dionysus. I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, but it was quite kind of them nevertheless. They also tested my levels of stress, although I really don't believe I'm under any undue amount of it, and invited me to come to their church tomorrow, although I think I'm going to decline.

[George draws closer to his communicator and imparts in a hushed voice:]

I believe they may have been Mormons.

[He draws back and makes a face that's equal parts "yikes", and "Mormons: whattayagonnado? They're really nice and it's hard to hold it against them".]

Comments

[collector]

Perhaps they're very open to other religions.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Mormons? Oh no, they aren't at all. They're just terribly polite about it. Which is surprising if you think about it; they are Americans.

[collector]

I meant the Martians more than the Mormons. [He could defend the Americans, but then, why on Earth would he? He is a British Alien.]

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes it's quite possible they are. I only spoke to them for a bit over an hour. That's not quite long enough to know everything about a person, and they really were pleasant.

Have you ever heard of this..."Dianetics"?

[collector]

Yes, it's a feature of Scientology, claimed to date back to the 1920s.

[doctor-scarf.livejournal.com]

They did? Well, I'm sure that was a wonderfully enlightening conversation!

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

In a way, certainly! Much of it went over my head, as I've said, but I was just pleased to get to speak to Martians at all, really, so I didn't mind.

[doctor-scarf.livejournal.com]

That's one of the good things about the Barge-fulfilling dreams you never thought you could back home.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly!

You know, it's funny: I've always pictured Martians as more...scaly-er.

Text.

[ifightfor]

[...User religion. This is pretty crazy stuff. RINZLER WILL TRY TO TAKE ON THE SMALLEST BITE:]

Define "Mormons".

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Mormons are a group of Americans who have some funny sorts of ideas about Jesus.

[ifightfor]

[Oops. ATTEMPT TO LIMIT THE DAMAGE: FAILED.]

Define "Jesus".

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Jesus was the son of God, who died for our sins.

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

Alright, I have to ask.

Mormon Martians?

[video]

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Well they mayn't have been, I suppose. They never said they were, which Mormons usually do. But I thought Space Mormons might do things differently.

And they do usually give one the Mormon book, not...

[George holds up a copy of Dianetics.]

Re: [video]

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I thought the whole point of being Mormon was the Book of Mormon.

That... Damn, I know that term. Hubbard, that's the guy, right?

Not that I remember much else about it from university, just that it was a weird, new, rather bizarre take on theology. So that's not even a 'Space Mormon' thing, I don't think.

Space mormons.

[video]

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

[George glances down at the book.]

Hubbard: indeed. What do you think it's about, then?

[worstsongever]

Space Mormons. I can't wait to go home with that story.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

I don't suspect it would be suprising: they do get around.

This book is very strange, though. I don't think there's anything about Jesus or Dionysus in it at all. And it has instructions.

[worstsongever]

...Instructions for what?

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Apparently you're meant to read it straight through, as well as understand it.

...I wasn't aware you could read something any other way.

Private. - /diesoflaughing. I live in Mormon central. You're hilarious. <3

[acertifieduser.livejournal.com]

Make sure you're careful that you don't get accepted into a cult or married without realizing it. Their customs are obviously considerably different and it wouldn't benefit either of us if you got yourself an alien wife unintentionally.

Where are you anyway? We should do lunch.

Private

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

That's a very good point. Having been divorced, even if it were from an alien marriage against my will, wouldn't do much for my prospects either.

I'll come fetch you at the disembarkment. We can investigate the local cuisine. I hope you're adventurous!

Private

[acertifieduser.livejournal.com]

Maybe in your time. In my time, I prefer to think of it as pretty standard. Women don't seem to mind my experience.

Absolutely.

Re: Private

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

They don't mind that you've loved someone before them? I would mind a bit.