Lady Case #44: Lady Video

[19centconstable]

[There's a woman in George's room. She's stocky, and her dark hair is gathered in a bun at the nape of her neck. From the front it looks short and boyish, and her face looks freshly scrubbed. She's dressed in a white high-necked Victorian blouse, a tie, a navy blue jacket, and a floor length navy blue walking skirt. And she's George, of course. Short for Georgina, although she's most comfortable being addressed as Miss Crabtree.

Some of you may be wondering why Miss Crabtree isn't suffering any of the wardrobe malfunctions that seem to be going around. Some of you clearly aren't aware just how seriously Mr. Crabtree takes undercover work. Now you know.]

Here is what I have gathered thus far: several people appear to be missing clothing, and I've spoken to one who seems to be missing memories. Is anyone aware of anything else having gone missing? And if so, a detailed description would be most helpful.

[Please, don't everyone rush to describe your penises.]

Furthermore: after Captain von Uberwald mistakenly called me a constable, I looked in my own wardrobe and found it nearly all replaced by a constable's uniform. Could it be that, somehow, saying things during this flood makes them become reality?

[George presses her lips together tightly.]

I don't know that I ought to say anything else lest...well, you know!

Comments

[scentbombed]

... All right. [Well, that's weird as hell.]

[19centconstable]

Even if I had become a man, as you seem to be implying, why would that mean my dog would do so as well?

[scentbombed]

I don't know. You seem to remember me as a man, even though I'm not. I wanted to see how far it had gone. [Rule63ception?]

[19centconstable]

...You aren't a man?

[scentbombed]

Well, I am right at this moment, yes.

[19centconstable]

You're quite sure? You've...checked thoroughly?

[scentbombed]

What sort of checking do you expect needs to be done, George?

[19centconstable]

Well I'm sure I wouldn't know. About that sort of thing.

[scentbombed]

You seemed to, just now.

[19centconstable]

I'm sure I didn't. I just meant: in the bath. ...But I'm sure I didn't!

[scentbombed]

[And we're back to the shaking desperately-trying-not-to-laugh shoulders.]

And-- and when you checked this morning--

Oh, gods, I can't finish that thought.

[19centconstable]

I'd prefer that you didn't.

But just so that you know: I hadn't had to. I was only trying to help as you seem to be confused.

[scentbombed]

I'm really not. [Damn, Arthas, why you gotta take a girl's breast plate?] Look, I promise you: I'm a woman.

[19centconstable]

Have you got any solid proof that the flood isn't simply causing you to think that?

[scentbombed]

... [Damn, Arthas, why you gotta take a girl's breastplate???]

Well, er. [He glances around the room, which is about as generic as it gets, but-- a-ha! He grabs the picture from his nightstand and holds it up.] I know I've told you about this.

[19centconstable]

Yes. And I've told you about...mine.

[scentbombed]

...What? [This is news to him.]

[19centconstable]

About...Tess?

[scentbombed]

Your... [Blink.] Oh, I didn't realize--

Wait, no, hold on. So in your mind, you and Tess are both women, and Carrot and I are both men.

[19centconstable]

Precisely. And you believe it's different outside of my mind?

[scentbombed]

...Yes, but I've also run out of options at this point.

[19centconstable]

How is it different? ...Is Tess also a man?

[scentbombed]

No, and Carrot-- my-- he is. And you never told me Tess was your... young lady. [Someday, Angua will be comfortable talking about these things. Today is not that day.]

[19centconstable]

Perhaps she isn't. I mean, it would depend, wouldn't it? On, well...what sort of...man would you say I am?

[scentbombed]

You're a... human man? I'm not sure I know what you're asking. [He does, but he's not sure this is a conversational road he wants to travel.]