Case #62: Video

[19centconstable]

[Oh, hello! George didn't see you there. J/K: he did, though. He's seated at his typewriter looking dreamy eyed. He has probably just thought up Tivo.]

I found it rather thrilling to be in the world of Mr. Carroll's story. A part of me hopes that one day someone might have a similar experience with one of my stories. Minus the murderous bits, of course.

But the communication difficulties experienced by several people have caused me to ponder this: if you were only able to express one thing to your inmate, or to your warden, what might it be?

And for those of us who have neither, what one thing might you express to any inmate or warden, or person of your choosing?

Not the Admiral, though, as there are women and children present.

Comments

[anidiotchild]

[Hi George, Simon is still riding the crazy train from port. B(]

Shouldn't ask what people what they won't be truthful about.

[19centconstable]

[Ah. Crazypants. Still crazy, I see.]

I'm not sure that's terribly sound advice. If followed it would surely lead to the end of conversation entirely.

[anidiotchild]

[Regrettably. B(]

Setting yourself up for disappointment.

[19centconstable]

I think that if one goes in to something thinking that way, then one certainly is. But if one doesn't, nothing is certain at all.

[anidiotchild]

[Simon sort of considers the statement for a while before nodding.] That's wise.

[19centconstable]

I do like to think so.

[megamind]

How much I'd rather go home to face my fate than kick my heels on this dump.

[ ...except, maybe not. ]

[19centconstable]

What do you believe your fate to be, though?

[megamind]

Apparently crushed to death under a giant copper prison.

[19centconstable]

Apparently is only apparently.

[megamind]

Well, that's the whole problem with the barge. I'm apparently going to be crushed to death unless I'm a good person, blah blah blah...

[19centconstable]

I wouldn't say that. You've just been given the chance to become a good person now, at this point in time, because you were most prepared to make such a change. And it's quite possible that you may become unprepared and simply leave without changing anything.

I rather dislike the propensity some have here for declaring immediately and with complete finality to any non-warden that they are dead, as it simply is not always the case. Certainly, some have passed on, but others have merely had a close call. And even if one has been deceased, one certainly isn't here, unless of course they are a vampire. But that's really more of a technicality.

At any rate, my point is: had you not come here, you might have very well continued on a path ever more sinful and unpleasant, but which you might, one day, find yourself regretting. Only that day would be judgement day, and entirely too late.

[megamind]

So because I'm on the verge of death, I'm suddenly ready to be good? [ Megamind is squinting, trying to figure this out. ] Is this like death bed conversion? I'm really not big on human religion, but I think that generally that sort of thing is generally considered insincere.

[ also man you babble! ]

[19centconstable]

[No, no, this wasn't George babbling. He didn't even make flash cards.]

It is insincere if you say it, but do not mean it. If one means, then it isn't.

And you may not be ready quite yet, but you were faced with a situation which planted the seed of the idea in your mind, and with tending that seed may grow and blossom. And that blossom may be visited by bees and pollinated. Or it's possible that I have over-extended that metaphor.

[megamind]

I think you just pulled a metaphorical muscle there, yes. [ Seriously George, you're getting the side eye.... before Megamind moves his gaze back to the pile of papers and maths that have since begun to take up his time since he found out that a Deal could help him save the world he lost as a child. ]

[ Seed of an idea, huh? ]

[ Disturbingly accurate. ]

Frivolous nattery. You should be ashamed, preaching so. And not even eloquently. [ S...so instead of dealing with his feelings like an adult, he calls you names. Sorry, George. ]

[19centconstable]

[Meh, he's been called worse. By people he considers good friends. On a regular basis.]

I am sorry that you feel that way, but I do appreciate you answering my question.

I also don't believe we've formally met. I'm Constable George Crabtree.

[megamind]

...Constable? Oh lord, you're the law? I mean, more than usual here, but-- [ Megamind drags his gloved hands down his face, groaning audibly. ] Uuugh. No, no thank you. I'm Megamind, former suipervillain of Metrocity, and you--

No, no, not conversing with a cop of all things. Having the secret agent warden is bad enough, but-- no.

[19centconstable]

I am, yes. In Toronto. Canada.

[So, you know: Canada. Makes a little bit of a difference. No guns, and all of their jails operate on the honor system. But sometimes hangings.]

Why not? Have you had a poor experience?

[megamind]

I'm only the most wanted criminal back home. Cops can't handle me. I've got a nemesis for that! [ He sniffs disdainfully. CANADIAN cops that's not even real whatever. ] Eighty-eight life sentences, the whole nine yards.

Thinks I'm still germinating that seed of goodness now, Constable?

[19centconstable]

Yes, of course.

[megamind]

[ More facepalming ensues. Goddamn it, George. ]

Why?!

[19centconstable]

Because I believe any man may change for the better. Or any woman.

[megamind]

Well, that's dumb! We don't change. Humans especially. [ Retreating tobeing sulky, Megamind just glowers at George. ] It's a stupid idea, and you should feel bad for participating in this mess!

[19centconstable]

I believe we're going to have to agree to disagree.

[megamind]

I think we can both agree you're wrong. [ SO THERE. ]

[19centconstable]

I believe we would both have to be agreeing to agree in that case.

[megamind]

We are. [ This is not a fight that can be won. He has decided he's right. ]

[19centconstable]

I don't...believe that we are, though.

[megamind]

Well, then you're wrong.

Again.

[19centconstable]

Oh, I see!

Well, I do apologize for that misunderstanding, and I'm terribly pleased to hear that you do in fact agree with me that any person might better his or herself.

[megamind]

That's not it at all! Argh, you're so infuriating! [ Pot, kettle, all that... ] I'm going to go do something less frustrating than talk to a wrong person.

[19centconstable]

But you had said we were in agreement.

[megamind]

No I said you agree with me. [ SEMANTICS ] Never mind! Argh, simpletons...

[ And he disconnects in a flounce. ]