[Case #54: Video]

[19centconstable]

[George is out of the infirmary, and back in his room, looking like the picture of 19th century health, which was not actually that healthy by today's standards.]

I've never had terribly good luck contacting anybody from home on these days, but I do know that others have. I'm quite happy to speak to anyone, of course. Or anything. It's Constable George Crabtree, by the way. From Toronto, 1898.

And if cousin Penny is watching this: I know what you are up to, young lady. And if you haven't gotten up to it yet: I know what you will be up to shortly.


[Happy 4th Wall Day! 4th wall away!]

Comments

[policechiefwiggum]

[There's no person there. Instead there's a BIG DOG with it's nose. Only everything is ridiculously bright. It's a bright brown dog. Then there's a voice.]

Sniffy! Sniffy bad dog get away from the miranda rights teleprompter! Whatcha got there boy? What'cha-

[The voice sounds slightly nasally but when it lifts up there's a pig-like yellow face, blue hair, and a policeman's hat that says "SPRINGFIELD" on top.]

Hey! Look at that tiny little policemen in the teleprompter! good boy Sniffy!

[19centconstable]

[Oh my. That is a large policeman.]

Hello there, Sniffy. Sir.

[policechiefwiggum]

[Sniffy lets out a bark. Clancy for his part sets it back to reveal a very large bright world behind him. He IS a large policeman, but somehow rather then looking awful he looks just-chubby and fun.]

And Me, tiny policeman. Don't forget to say Hi to me too. I'm Clancy. and I'm a policeman too. aheh.

[19centconstable]

Yes, sir. I did say, sir.

[Clearly, this policeman is an American.]

[policechiefwiggum]

[Oh clearly.]

Heh, you know it's really funny normally the teleprompter just shoes words but there's people there today. It's pretty neat.

[In the background, very clearly-you can see a kid doing skateboard tricks off the back of the car.]

I mean today was gonna be boring enough without that, but look there's a tiny little policeman in my car! Neat! what should I call you. Constable? Or uh-uh George.

[19centconstable]

Constable Crabtree. Er. I believe someone is assaulting your motor carriage?

[policechiefwiggum]

Someone's whating my what?

[The man and the dog exchange looks]

...Is that some kind of funny old-timey word? What's it mean?

[Springfield's best and brightest George]

[19centconstable]

[George points.]

Behind you, sir!

[policechiefwiggum]

[Bart-the obvious culprit-flashes a peace sign directly at the camera. Wiggum looks up sharply-sniffy barks and Wiggum is out of the car at an unusually fast speed. The video remains on for several moments before he returns.

Heaving. Breathing hard.

With donuts.]

...That's just Bart Simpson. He's the 21rst century Dennis the Menace.

[OmnomnomDonut]

[19centconstable]

He certainly looks menacing...

[policechiefwiggum]

[somehow while George has been talking half the box of donuts is-well-gone.]

Oh no, he's just a kid. Judge Snyder says boys will be boys. Everybody knows the Simpsons.

Do..you know the Simpsons?

[IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE.]

[19centconstable]

I can't say that I do.

[policechiefwiggum]

Oh. Well they're good people.

So Constable? That's English right? My dad was born in Ireland.

[19centconstable]

I'm Canadian, actually. From Toronto.

[No Irish. Only some Catholics.]

[policechiefwiggum]

Toronto! Hey is that where toritos come from? I could really use some Toritos.

Hey sniffy! Sniffy! Go get me some Doritos.

[The dog stares at him-and stares at George. And sighs and ambles out of the police car]

[19centconstable]

I...don't think so.

That's quite the dog you have. I've tried to teach my Violet to fetch, but she isn't much interested.

[policechiefwiggum]

Aw Sniffy? Yeah Sniffy's great. We've been together since the academy. He's one hell of a police dog.

You tried giving her a job?

[19centconstable]

She's assisted me in cases before, yes.