Lady Case #44: Lady Video

[19centconstable]

[There's a woman in George's room. She's stocky, and her dark hair is gathered in a bun at the nape of her neck. From the front it looks short and boyish, and her face looks freshly scrubbed. She's dressed in a white high-necked Victorian blouse, a tie, a navy blue jacket, and a floor length navy blue walking skirt. And she's George, of course. Short for Georgina, although she's most comfortable being addressed as Miss Crabtree.

Some of you may be wondering why Miss Crabtree isn't suffering any of the wardrobe malfunctions that seem to be going around. Some of you clearly aren't aware just how seriously Mr. Crabtree takes undercover work. Now you know.]

Here is what I have gathered thus far: several people appear to be missing clothing, and I've spoken to one who seems to be missing memories. Is anyone aware of anything else having gone missing? And if so, a detailed description would be most helpful.

[Please, don't everyone rush to describe your penises.]

Furthermore: after Captain von Uberwald mistakenly called me a constable, I looked in my own wardrobe and found it nearly all replaced by a constable's uniform. Could it be that, somehow, saying things during this flood makes them become reality?

[George presses her lips together tightly.]

I don't know that I ought to say anything else lest...well, you know!

Comments

[19centconstable]

Have you got any solid proof that the flood isn't simply causing you to think that?

[scentbombed]

... [Damn, Arthas, why you gotta take a girl's breastplate???]

Well, er. [He glances around the room, which is about as generic as it gets, but-- a-ha! He grabs the picture from his nightstand and holds it up.] I know I've told you about this.

[19centconstable]

Yes. And I've told you about...mine.

[scentbombed]

...What? [This is news to him.]

[19centconstable]

About...Tess?

[scentbombed]

Your... [Blink.] Oh, I didn't realize--

Wait, no, hold on. So in your mind, you and Tess are both women, and Carrot and I are both men.

[19centconstable]

Precisely. And you believe it's different outside of my mind?

[scentbombed]

...Yes, but I've also run out of options at this point.

[19centconstable]

How is it different? ...Is Tess also a man?

[scentbombed]

No, and Carrot-- my-- he is. And you never told me Tess was your... young lady. [Someday, Angua will be comfortable talking about these things. Today is not that day.]

[19centconstable]

Perhaps she isn't. I mean, it would depend, wouldn't it? On, well...what sort of...man would you say I am?

[scentbombed]

You're a... human man? I'm not sure I know what you're asking. [He does, but he's not sure this is a conversational road he wants to travel.]

[19centconstable]

That's quite encouraging. I meant: am I the sort of man young ladies like?

[scentbombed]

[Thank you for confirming that, George.] ...I'm sure there are... young ladies... who feel... quite positively towards you, Constable. George.

[19centconstable]

That seems like a rather kind way of saying no. What's wrong with me then? I suppose I'm fat and drink too much, do I?

[scentbombed]

What? No, of course not. Not at all.

[19centconstable]

Do I have a temper or poor manners?

[scentbombed]

[Is there a way to extricate himself gracefully from this conversation?] No -- I think, er, most people on this ship are quite fond of you, actually.

[19centconstable]

That's very kind of you to say. I suppose that if I do become a man again suddenly, you'll have to ask about my love life. Perhaps I'm simply private.

[scentbombed]

I think I probably... won't do that, actually. But thank you for the offer?

[19centconstable]

You are the one who brought it up in the first place, Captain.

[scentbombed]

Only in an apparently-failed attempt to prove my point.

[19centconstable]

What was it meant to have been?

[scentbombed]

That since Carrot is a man and Tess is a woman... [Angua went and forgot about the gays. Bad wolf.]

[19centconstable]

[Sometimes George can be a bit dense, regardless of gender.]

Well, yes. Most people are men or women. Nearly everyone, in fact.

[Nearly.]