[he's having a hard time articulating this.] ....Yeah? I suppose I'm..[he twitches] I'm bracing myself for an eternity of paying it back. For living for others, for-

[He both wants to do right and doesn't. The prospect of facing how much his life has changed and how he really should completely devote himself to the service of others

He can't face it. He knows he did wrong. He doesn't want to. He sounds petulant and angry-despite his words.]

.....what should I do?